When you realize that you have been a lukewarm Christian all these years and now you’re fighting with yourself daily.
I’m making this entry on a Wednesday, and I am surprised by myself. I may have been in a self-imposed writer’s block, or I just gave up on writing altogether. However, when someone else has more faith in you than you have in yourself, it seems as though they are seeing something in you that you do not. It was reason enough for me to try again, and now I’m writing even before the week is over. This is an actual conversation I had with my sister today while I was letting her know that I started writing again.
Last week I joined a Bible study program that is run in our church, and the structure of the study is designed to benefit a person both personally and during the group discussions. Every week before we meet, we are allocated certain tasks to do in our workbooks. I did mine in the cab while I was on the way there. When I opened the guide, the first thing that I saw really convicted me of my lukewarmness and lethargy in my journey as a believer. I had realized that I had been doing the complete opposite of what the guide instructs us to do.
The first line literally states, ‘Set aside time for daily/regular study.’ The second line states, ‘Resist the urge to do everything on one day or leave everything till the last day.’ Lastly, the third sentence states, ‘The idea is to build consistency over completion of the week’s section.’ These three sentences convicted me so heavily because I was literally doing the complete opposite of what the guide needed me to do. While discussing the study, I realized I have been robbing myself of time with God, and it is costing me as well.
[I have started feeling sleepy; therefore, these midweek reflections will be completed later in the week.]
Hi there, it’s Friday, and it’s time to complete the midweek reflections and tell you about my week altogether. As I had mentioned earlier, I realized how lukewarm I have been and how lethargic and lazy I have been with my relationship with God. I also realized the reason why it is important to set aside time every day. Time with God is not a chore or a task to mark off a list; it’s not something that I need to do so that I can say I did it. Time with God is for him and me. I do not know how else to put it. But I’m seeing that this is what commitment to a relationship means, and it’s the most important one.
While I was rushing through the guide in traffic, I started feeling sad and regretful. I was wishing I had more time to sit with the word and meditate on it. While I was filling in the blank spaces, I wondered if my responses and journal entries would have been more meaningful and in-depth. How did I go through the whole week without giving God even one hour of my day?
I have a lot to write, but today we end here.
With love,
Mulai Kibaara
