DISCLAIMER: If my future husband happens to read this, I just want to tell you that I am not crazy or a psycho; I’m just a lover girl who has lived in her head for a really long time. I am working on that, though.
October is turning out to be one of my favorite months, mostly because it’s my mother’s birthday month. This past year has added more reasons why it is one of my favorite months. Before I continue, I recognize that it has been more than a week since I published a new article. Worry not, this author just took a little break to breathe and make memories in the real world. Do not forget to touch grass today and every other day, loves.
I digress. In this article, I will delve into the topic of boys and intoxicating crushes—well, just one particular crush. This particular man took me on a roller coaster of emotions, and every time I remember what I went through in my head because of him (emphasis on ‘in my head’), I cringe. When I tell you that I would freeze when I saw him, you would not believe me. It was not always like that. The very first time I met him, I was super comfortable around him, and it was a cute and harmless crush until anxiety and overthinking joined the chat.
I was like this for a whole year until he met a girl that is not me, and my heart was crushed into little bits and pieces. Well, not really since it was all in my head, but the emotions were very real. Fast forward a few months into 2025, and a blast from the past shows up. This one was not a crush; this was a real situation, and we had a real on-and-off relationship. This too went up in flames. This happened a little over four months ago. I experienced a real heartbreak from this, unlike the one that was all in my head.
In these two scenarios, I experienced rejection in very different forms. As time passed, I was able to think through and look back at these scenarios. I learned that, like any relationship, the wrong boys will come into your life for a reason, and when that reason is fulfilled, they leave. However, you determine when they leave. Do not dwell. Do not stay there for too long. This is the crisis of time. We never really know when the timing is right, and still, we need to figure it out.
Why? You may ask, if I stayed in either of these situations, I would have ended up acting on desperation, which then leads to compromise. Do not settle, do not dwell, do not rationalize it. Kenny Rogers knew this, and he put it in a song.
Do you remember?
🎵
You got to know when to hold ’em,
Know when to fold ’em,
Know when to walk away.
And know when to run.
You never count your money
When you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’
When the dealin’s done.
🎵
Anyway, this is why October is becoming one of my favorite months; this is because for the past two years, October has marked major milestones in my life and a hope that in a year I will be in a great place, a better one than the previous one. I also do not forget that the previous one was also a milestone that made the current one possible. Particularly in this aspect of my life, God has been faithful. Anxiety and compromise are no more.
See you soon,
With love,
Mulai.
